Stories Five

May 14, 2007

"The Bat"

You haven't lived until you get a bat flying around inside of your house.

I don't know how it got in, but there it was. All eight of us were home

and pandemonium broke out.

My Dad grabbed a broom, my Mom a dishtowel, my older siblings had sofa pillows

and anything they could grab. My little brother and I hid under the table.

I put a towel over my head as I had heard that bats build nests in your hair. I had lots of hair.

We watched the legs dancing around and heard the swishing. That bat was fast!

Finally my Dad hit it and it went down. My brother held the door open and my

Mom pushed it out with her foot.

We were lucky another one didn't fly in as here were lots of them out that night.

We seldom saw bats so it must have been a strange phenomena going on.

They usually hung out in the bell tower.

May 14, 2007

"Teeter Totter"

There was a huge playground at our grade school.

My brother and I played there every

Saturday. I liked everything except the teeter Toter.

There was a rock under the teeter toter.

I don't know why, because the rest was pure sand.

My brother would always jump off without warning.

The teeter totter would hit that rock and it would shake my entire spine.

I always told him not to do that and he would promise but the next time he

would do it again.

I finally got smart and never relaxed.

I caught myself with my legs and they became very strong.

My brother was so disappointed when he couldn't nearly break my spine

when he would jump off his end.

Well, boys like bugs, frogs and snakes too, so go figure.

"Waitress Gives Thanks"

When I was sixteen, I had a summer job as a waitress. I had only been working for a few weeks when I was serving a middle aged couple. As soon as I set their first course,

which was a bowl of soup each, down on their table, they both instantly bent forward and looked down. I thought they were staring

at something in the soup. I then bent down to see too. It was at that moment

that I realized they were saying grace. I stayed there with head bent as if I were praying

with them. When they were finished I went back to the kitchen. Oh My Word,

I was so embarrassed.

They must have thought it was a nice gesture

as they left me a big tip

maybe they felt sorry for such a duh girl...haha.

At least my Mom appreciated the story...she laughed and laughed

and then called all of her sisters and told them.

May 15, 2007

"The Fish Pond"

My sister and I (she was eight and I was six when this happened)

went to bible school every year.

One day as we were walking home

we saw some hand written posters on the telephone poles near our home.

It said. Come to the FISH POND and try your luck.

Only 25 Cents

The address was close to our house, so we went home, took a dollar each

out of our banks and went to the address.

We knew who lived there. It was a fourteen year old boy who was a loner who

smoked. He was an only child. No one liked him as he was 'bad".

He had a big sign on his garage.

It said Fish Pond.

He had a hole in the side with different colored strings coming out of it.

He opened the window to take our money. He said to pick a string and pull.

I picked a red one. I heard something bumping up the wall

and when it came out I was astounded. It was a beautiful

little girl statue. (hummel I found out later)

My sister bought a string too and she had a statue.

We each got four.

We went home all happy and proud.

"Wait until Mom sees these.," I told my sister.

My Mom, knew immediately that he shouldn't

have been giving those as prizes.

She called his Mom and told her what happened,

and then she made us bring them back.

He was selling her Hummel collection!

He was grounded for a month.

I think he must have had nicotine withdrawal during that time.

We got our dollars back.

May 16, 2007

'Gramma Plays Marbles"

Gramma Barry hated TV....she called it the "Devil's Box!"

One day when my brother and sister and I were staying with her,

we were watching TV. She said, "you children should be outside

playing in the sun."

We all groaned and then she said, "Come with me up to the Attic, I have

something to show you". We trotted behind her up the narrow

steps to the attic. We loved it up there. She had lots of dusty

things to look at. She dug around in a big trunk and came up

with a box that looked like an old music box. It rattled.

She made us follow her down the stairs and outside.

Then we sat down and she opened the box. It was full of old

marbles. Some were big. She called them Agates. Some

shooters and cat's eyes. Some were small.

she called them Peewees. There were some other small ones she

called steelies.

Then she went to a sandy spot in the yard, dug her heel in the sand,

and spun around. It was funny to see Gramma spin.

Then she bent down and smoothed out the hole.

We were laughing and she was smiling.

She called us over and split the marbles evenly between us.

She drew a line and said, "That is the starting

line, and the object is to get the marbles into the "pot".

You take turns.

The one who gets the last marble into the pot wins them all.

Then she said, if you want to put two or more each in the

pot before you start, that is ok.

She watched until she knew we understood the game.

Then she went into the house.

She turned back and said, "I want all of the marbles back

when you are finished. I know there are 60 marbles.

We played for a long time until my little brother had all of the marbles.

Then we carefully counted them all out as we put them back in the box.

Ut Oh, there were only 58. We looked all over and couldn't find them.

We sadly went into the house to tell Gramma we lost

two of her marbles.

Just then I remembered that I had put two steelies in my pocket because they

hurt my finger when I tried to shoot them.

Gramma counted them and smiled.

"You are good children,"" she said.

I can still see her in my minds eye, spinning around to make the "pot".

I miss you Gramma!

May 17, 2007

" Gravity Boots"

I stopped by a friends house. I hadn't seen him for awhile.

I knocked and heard him from a distance say, "Come in!"

I looked around and realized he was downstairs in his exercise room.

Mike was well built and very handsome. I quickly went down the stairs and

into his gym. He was hanging upside down. Oh My Word, His face was

bright red and he was upside down. I looked up and he had boots on

that were slid into some holders so it looked like he was standing on the ceiling.

"Are you okay?" I asked. "Yeah, I'm okay," Mike said.

I told him his face was all red. Now I noticed his temples were throbbing.

I asked him how long he was going to hang there. He said he does it every day

for ten minutes. He had a few minutes to go.

I sat down on a bench where he lifted weights and thought to myself,

Is he crazy or what? He lives alone...what if he passed out...how would he

get out of those boots? He said it was a great way to get blood to the brain.

(I was thinking if he had blood to his brain, he would know how crazy this was)

Is it just me who thinks like this, or do men have a real problem with identity?

I don't think there is any thing I could want bad enough to hang upside down

feeling my head throbbing and all of the blood rushing to my face in order to achieve.

I plan on writing a story about the things I do like about men soon.

I will refrain from writing the things I do not like about the things they do, as I would get

carpal tunnel.

May 18, 2007

"What I LIKE About Men"

Hmmmm, let's see. I seem to dis men a lot, but I really do like them. :)

I love their strength. I love the way they build tall buildings because if women

chose to build, I think everything would be just one story high.

I can't see myself

scaling up the side of a building as I am trying to build it.

Is there a contest to see who can build the tallest one?

They seem to be getting bigger all of the time.

I like the way they panic when someone hands them a new born.

I love the way they can say an entire paragraph with a smile.

I like the way they quickly

look away when you catch them staring when it is obvious

you are with a man you love.

I love the boldness of some to approach you at a club even though you know

that inside they are shaking like a leaf.

(Why do men worry so much about rejection?)

Women! Let them down easy, geez, unless they are drunk (or they litter) haha.

I love the way they put their big arm around you in a protective hug, and

don't squeeze too hard.

Men! Sometimes you don't realize your own strength or how fragile

our rib cage is. Bear hugs are out!

(Men bumping bellies in Sports makes me totally sick, incidentally)

Oh Yeah, this is supposed to be positive things about men.

I like the way they really enjoy good food. The enthusiasm they have

when eating something they really like. The way you can tell they want

a second helping but won't ask for one. Ahhh Poor darlings.

I always ask them.

I like the way they dare reach over and gently take your hand when you are really, really

ticked at them, once they think you have finished telling them what they are.

(How do they seem to know when it is safe?)

(I lose respect for any man who exits a room before they have heard just how

much they have ticked you off!)

I love the way they won't ask for directions. They are fun to watch as they

drive all over the place pretending they know where they are going.

If you want to tick them off, just suggest they ask someone. I wait until

they crack and then say, "I am amazed you got us this far!" I couldn't have done it."

That calms them down.

I love the way they kiss you the first time as long as they keep their tongue

in their own mouth. My tongue does not want to share my mouth with any

other tongue. It is a bad tongue though, as it likes the flavor of kisses from

a smoker. Bad, Bad Tongue!

(My nose is bad too as it likes the smell of a

smokers kiss!)

Is this just too much information? lol

I like the way men drive when they totally love their car. I hate the competition,

but they look sexy at the wheel. I totally love my cars so I understand.

If a man ever kicks or hits his car for any reason, he totally slides off of my

acceptance scale. Your car will so get even with you if you abuse it.

(Why don't men just know this?)

I love the way men take jobs as firemen, police, etc; as our protectors.

I will protect children but that is more or less where my bravado ends.

I spend a lot of time trying to think so there will be no emergencies, but

I wouldn't be so anxious to jump into a fire or water.

(yeah, I would be a big help in water) NOT!

I love they way men invent tools to make their work easier.

(Hey, Men, spend more time in the kitchen, we need more tools!)

OH My Goodness and the big machines they build! Can you believe it?

They keep getting bigger and bigger too! Who gets these ideas?

Is it a group or one person? I'll bet that is fun. To make a great big

machine and then watch it work. I don't think I could take that thrill!

Seriously! I have never hammered a nail in straight.

The gasoline engine? OMG. What a miracle!

Men are funny too. They can get covered in grease and they don't let it bother them.

They get into the shower and come out clean.

How do they do it?

Cleanser and steel wool?

It amazes me!

I consider myself a strong woman, but if I ever got car grease in my hair,

I would just die!

Cutting grass? Are you kidding? Feet Inches away from a whirling blade?

If there were no men, we would braid the grass or something...I dunno.

Dandelions? Yeah right, I would fight the multitudes forever.

I actually like yellow.

You now must think I am lazy. Not so, I do a lot of computer work,

cooking, photography, shopping, driving, writing, cleaning, etc;

(can't think of anything else...lol) (that is what etc; means)

In general, men are like little kids, and I love little kids. They try

so hard, they think they have to be brave, they are easily pleased if

you just take the time to acknowledge them. They need lots of toys, lots of

kisses, forgiveness, they want to know all is well in their world.

Never demand more than they can give.

It will damage their wonderful spirits.

May 19, 2007

"Cow Tail Hazard"

I was fourteen and at the farm we bought from Gramma's Estate. We had a

Guernsey cow named Bella. She was a nice cow. One day I went to the

barn to milk her. She had gotten away from me when I staked her so

she could eat fresh grass. She got into the big thistle burr patch. Her tail

was full of them.

I started milking her and she was nervous. She kept moving around. After moving

the milking stool around a lot, I finally got a full pail of milk and began

stripping her teats. An instant later she put her dirty hoof inside of the milk pail.

All of that work for naught! I grabbed the pail and stool and just then she

whapped me with her tail. I had long blonde hair and she entangled her tail

and the burrs into my hair. It was no use calling my Mom as the barn

was a long distance from the house. I must have spent an hour trying to

untangle my hair from her tail. She didn't like it either and would make

sounds to let me know. I was ready to cut my hair off but had nothing

handy to cut it . I just got it out when a second later she hit me again with it.

OMG, I was so exasperated. Luckily this time it only took me ten minutes

and I was free. I grabbed the stool and milk quickly and was out of the barn.

When I told my Mom what had happened, she said she thought it was

taking me an awful long time to milk the cow.

Mom never worried about things like I do.

I would have checked.

I sterilized the milk pail, washed my hair and took a nap.

At least I didn't have to go down the huge hill to the ice cold spring

where we kept the milk cold.

May 19, 2007

"Almost Trampled"

A few days after the "Cow tail" episode, My older sister and her husband

thought it would be a good idea, since we were keeping a cow, to

leave their cow with us when they went on vacation.

(She was the opportunist who was going to show us how to raise pigs)

Their cow was a Jersey and was a spoiled cow brat!

She was mean and I didn't like her.

It was my job to stake her out with Bella so she could graze each day.

I had been taking her out first but this day I took Bella first.

I had just finished staking her out (by the way, that means putting a long

chain on them with a stake that goes into the ground so they can only graze in

a circle as big as the chain allows) when that spoiled brat cow had gotten

so jealous that she wasn't first that she broke away,

dragging her chain and came running from the barn, snorting,

head down like a bull and running as fast as any horse right at me.

I heard her thundering hoofs and turned and saw her. She was going to

smash me. Bella saw what was happening and she stepped her entire body

in front of me, put her head down and gave out the most astounding noise

I had ever heard. It was a cow threat sound. I wish I could type it so you

could imagine it. The Jersey stopped so fast that she made skid marks in the sod.

I was shaking. I hid behind Bella for awhile and when the Jersey started grazing,

I sneaked over and staked her and ran into the house.

I don't think my Mom believed how serious it was until she saw the skid marks.

I think Bella was sorry for the Burrs she had put in my hair. :)

I loved that old cow.

(I can't remember the Jersey's name as I must have erased it from my brain)

"Riding the Tail"

I seem to have more tales about tails...haha.

When the corn was ripe that fall, Bella somehow escaped from the barn.

My Mom and sister and I went looking for her. We suspected she was in

the adjoining farmer's corn field, so we started there...Sure enough, we found her

trail and I ran ahead as I was fast on my feet. I saw her chomping down

a cob of fresh corn. I sneaked up on her and as I grabbed her tail with both hands,

I hollered, " MOM, I've got her!" That was the same moment that the

cow took off running at what seemed like thirty miles an hour. I hung on

tightly and since I was skinny, the momentum kept me

flying above the corn stalks as my Mom and sister watched.

Suddenly the cow stopped dead and I hit the ground.

I let go of the tail when I hit.

I couldn't see my Mom and sister as they were literally lying in the

corn field laughing so hard they thought they would die.

Bella just stood there looking at me as if to say..."Wanna try it again?"

I was angry at my Mom and sister for laughing. "It isn't funny" I told them.

That would start them laughing all over again.

My Mom would start to say, "Kesti, if you could have seen..."

then she started laughing uncontrollably again.

Bella followed us home

to the barn...she had enjoyed enough fun for the day as well, I guess.

May 19, 2007

"Setting the Grass on Fire"

On the first page of "Kesti Writes", I thought I had told all of the bad stuff I did in my life.

Ooops, forgot this one.

I was about seven so I knew better. My Mom and Dad were shopping and my brother

and sister and I were next door with about ten of our friends. There was a vacant

lot that belonged to us between the two properties. We were all gathered near the road

and talking. I had remembered my Mom and Dad saying that they should burn that

tall dry grass in the empty lot before it caught fire when they weren't home.

I was thinking to myself, how hard would it be to burn it?

I said it out loud to all of the kids and they said, "I dare ya".

My older sister should have stopped me. I said, OK and ran home and got

some matches. They all watched me...(Yes, I was showing off) light the edge

of the grass near the road on fire. There was a slight breeze.

OH MY GOD. in no time it was blazing and racing towards our house.

Just then my Mom and Dad drove up. They jumped out of the car.

My Mom yelled..."AL, get some wet rugs and Quick!. My Dad grabbed a rug

from the front porch and the hose and ran to my Mom. She quickly wet the rug

and started beating out the flames. All of us just stood there in astonishment!

My Dad now had two rugs and was beating it out along side of my Mom.

They got it out just a few feet from the house.

My Mom and Dad were panting so hard I thought they would die.

I had never seen anyone breathe that hard.

When my Mom was sure no sparks had hit our roof and that it was totally out,

she marched over and asked, "Which one of you started that fire"

YIKES. I didn't speak up right away, but in a split second every one of the kids

pointed at me and shouted..."IT WAS KESTI!"

My Mom said, "Kesti, Get over here right now!"

Then she proceeded to pull down my underwear, turn me over her knee, and spank me

with her shoe as hard as she could about seven times.

I was bawling as it really hurt.

I was more embarrassed that my bare butt was seen by all of the neighbor kids

than I was from the spanking. I knew I deserved to get punished.

How did I know fires could do that?

Well , I knew after that day and left matches alone.

May 20, 2007

"WOMEN! Just say NO!"

I am pretty clever at moving heavy objects by myself as

I apply the law of leverage. I also learned that a small

rug will let you drag things rather than lift them.

After what happened to my sister, I will move things myself,

but never ask a man to help me unless he can do it by himself.

My sister and her husband had a big base kitchen cabinet they

wanted moved to their laundry room. She was expected to help

move it. It would barely fit through the doorway. Her husband

was getting angry as it didn't zoom right through so my sister

realized it wasn't quite straight so she reached her hand into the

doorway to help straighten it, when, just like a man, decided to

use bull strength to force it through. Her finger was in the doorway.

He pushed, she screamed and he had to pull it back to release it.

I had heard that it took off the tip of her finger.

I pictured tip as the "tip". Like a 1/4 inch.

I didn't see my sister for a few months. When we both

visited my other sisters for a fun evening, she said, "Kesti, do you

want to see my finger?" I said, "Sure". She showed it to me

and I nearly fainted. The entire first section of her index finger on

her right hand was GONE!

That is not a tip.

OMG...I felt so bad about my reaction. Thank God she had

become accustomed to her mutilated finger by that time so she

just tried to laugh off my reaction.

Right after it happened, her husband had picked up the squashed piece of flesh that

had been her finger and put it on ice. The surgeon looked at it and said there was

nothing left to sew it back on. Completely smashed.

I am telling this story so none of you women who read this will

help a man move anything. We aren't built to lift anyhow.

Hire it done.

May 20, 2007

"HELP ME, I'm Stupid!"

I may as well tell another story about my sister and her husband as

(if she reads the above ) she is going to kill me anyhow...haha.

Her husband is kinda up tight, to say the least.

One day he was in the basement and suddenly she heard him frantically

calling her. She went part way down the stairs to see what he wanted.

He had decided to use her old electric mixer to mix paint.

When he finished mixing it, not having experience with mixers,

he pulled it out of the paint can while it was still on the high setting.

(lol)

She stared at him. He was covered with white paint splatters.

So was everything else in a large range of the spinning mixer blades.

(I think this was some time after the finger incident)

She saw him, standing there, (he had shut off the power by then)

but was holding the mixer, still, like a helpless little boy.

She gave him a disgusted look and said,

"So? What do you expect me to do?"

and with that

she walked back up the stairs.

(I was so proud of her)

(maybe he will kill me)

hahaha

May 20, 2007

"HOLD THAT NOSE!"

One of the most annoying habits many people have is

the "Fragrance Fantasy"

They think that If they encircle themselves in enough

fragrance they will give the world a great impression of themselves.

Well, guess what? Part of it is true. Most people will make a note to

stay as far from YOU as they can get.

Pity the poor office workers, etc; that must be in close contact with

you all day long.

Most won't say anything, but will settle for hating you in silence.

First of all, millions of people now have fragrance allergies

from being inundated with it in everything for years.

They have watery eyes, Migraines, headaches,

plugged sinuses, lumps on the back of their

heads causing extreme and dangerous pressures inside of their brains

and God only knows what other painful symptoms.

People are very choosy about what fragrances they like when they

don't have allergies. How can you presume that they will

like yours overpowering the entire work space?

In restaurants, your food may taste like the overpowering

fragrances around you. YUK!

When you combine all of the fragrances in everything you use,

you probably smell like sick city.

Men are guilty too. They pour after shave or cologne into the palms

of their hands, then slather it all over their faces.

Geez...whose Idea was that?

Maybe the manufacturers who want to

sell tons of the smelly stuff?

A tiny spray in the air in front of you, a quick step into it and then out of it

will certainly suffice for the entire day.

(I would be able to detect it a year later)

YES, I do have fragrance allergies, or I wouldn't be taking time

to alienate some of my readers! Some one needs to speak up

and let you know what the majority is thinking.

How can you be so inconsiderate of others?

Stop it!

CLEAN always has been and IS still,

the best scent in the entire world!

May 21, 2207

"Bugs in a Jar"

In spite of the neighborhood kids seeing my spanking

for setting the lot on fire

as I got older, they gathered 'round me for ideas of what to play.

I had lots of them.

We played hop scotch, jump rope, statue, red rover, Moonlight Starlight,

Rubber guns, Store, War, We had a club house and paid dues, baseball,

Tag, Lemonade, jacks, marbles, Captain May I, races, built ice houses,

snowball fights with forts, Follow the leader, Leap frog.

We had wiener roasts,

taffy pulls, and put on plays for our parents. I know we did lots more but

that is all I can think of at this moment. My Mom and Gramma

taught me all of the games they knew and some I made up myself.

In June, our evening play was

always ruined by the dang June bugs! We played under the street light

and that is where they also hung out. I didn't like staying in the house, so

one night when the bugs had just begun their torment on us, I said, "each of

you go home and get a big jar with a cover." They all ran home and so did

my little brother and I. We all met under the light and I showed them how to

catch June bugs. It was scary to pick them up as their pincers were very sharp.

Once you had some in the jar, they would try to get out when you tried

to put a new one in. Soon everyone caught on and we caught june bugs

for two hours. It was fun to see who had the most. Ewww,

the crackling noise they made crawling all over each other,

trying to get out of our jars.

After we caught all we could, we put water in the jars

so they would drown. In the morning we dumped them out and the

birds had a feast.

We really cut down the June bug population in our neighborhood.

I hope there is no SPCJB.

May 21, 2007

"I Love Oprah Winfrey"

I have loved her and her show since I first saw it..in 1986.

What a gift she is to our world.

Today on the show, Dr. Oz and Oprah,

talked about, acupressure , reflexology,

parasites, meridians, and many common sense tips for caring for

our bodies.

When Oprah talks about something, most people listen.

It is past time that we each take responsibility for our health.

Doctors can only do so much.

We are in a constant state of awareness of our bodies.

We need to keep diaries or journals in order to refer back

when we don't feel well to see if we have had an allergic reaction

to food or chemicals or prescription drugs.

Thank you Oprah, for any news or references to holistic

and alternative methods of attaining and maintaining good health.

May God bless all of your work.

See all of my story pages:

(You are on page five)

Page one:

http://kesti16.com/Tressba/KestiWrites.html

Page Two

http://kesti16.com/Tressba/KestiWrites2.html

Page Three

http://kesti16.com/Tressba/Stories3Kesti.html

Page Four

http://kesti16.com/Tressba/Stories4Kesti.html

Page Five

http://kesti16.com/Tressba/StoriesKesti5.html

Page Six

http://kesti16.com/Tressba/StoriesKesti6.html

Page Seven

http://kesti16.com/Tressba/KestiWritesSeven.htm

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This Page was created on May14, 2007

UPDATED On March 18, 2007

Check out my Popcorn Flour Recipes

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http://kesti16.com/Tressba/EatsAndTreats.html

Attention!

I have had over ONE MILLION visitors to this, My AOL Site in the last nine years.

The counter kept reverting back to zero, but I kept my own records each week.

I have now attached my two sites together under one counter starting at 2000.

This is March 15, 2007.

I hope I will not have any more trouble with counters.

Sincerely, Kesti

Updated April 23, 2007

Carp Fish